Congratulations to Pat “Ace of Spade” Wells and Don “Eleven of Clubs” Gorecki for playing very well for one game each over the last two weeks. The Shuffleboard play has been so pathetic the award had to go to the State Poker Champions.
Once again Pat was booed off the board after one game and told not to give up his day job. Don, under the pressure of championship card play seems to be packing on the pounds in the photo. In other news there was a shooting at the VFW Post over the price of pizza with two members suffering injury. If you’re looking for a safe place to play shuffleboard please call our Commissioner at 856-495-ISIS.
At time of press calls to the New Jersey Department of Community Affairs have not been returned regarding an inquiry about the ethics of Pat’s poker victory at a “charity” event that his wife tirelessly organized. An angry mob of protesters with picthforks and torches was observed by Shuffleboard Times Magazine staff on Sunday outside the Westmont Knights of Columbus chanting “Give it Back”, “You Choked Against George”, and “Your Dogs Are Excited That You Are in Second Place George”.