25th Annual Pearl Harbor Tournament

Brackets were drawn for the 25th Annual Pearl Harbor Tournament during league play on Black Friday.

2017 PH Winners Bracket.jpg

Some very interesting first round matches are on tap to start the tournament.  The first round feature match pits defending champion The Commish against 5 time champion The Wrench.  The Wrench has not been victorious in the tournament since 2012, when an angry mob turned on his opponent, allowing the Wrench to come storming out of the losers bracket to defeat The Ice Man in 2 straight.  Actions by the mob and The Ice Man that night may or may not have resulted in the tournament being cancelled by the VFW Pearl Harbor Tournament Executive Committee (aka Jack and Bob) in 2014.  The Wrench also won titles in 2003, 2004, 2008 and 2009.  The Commish, who has been voted best looking man in the league 10 years running, finally ended a decade-plus long string of perennial Pearl Harbor choke jobs to win his first title in 2016.   The winner of this match moves on to face 1994 Champion Jimmy Wong.

The second first round match features Old Guy teammates Fesi and Goff squaring off, with the winner to face The Virgin in round 2.  The only thing colder than Fesi and Goff right now is the beer at the SOI Hall but we will see if the winner of this tilt can suddenly turn things around.  Las Vegas has The Virgin at +450 on the early moneyline to make an appearance next week for his Pearl Harbor debut.   Goff won 4 of the first 8 editions of the tournament, with victories in 1995, 1997, 1998 and 1999.  Goff and Tom Ferrese (currently the #2 ranked Ferrese in the league) won 8 of the first 9 editions of the tournament, with Tom winning the first 2 editions in 1992 and 1993 plus the 1996 and 2000 events.

On the other side of the bracket our first match features The Hitman against The Rooster.  The Rooster comes in fresh after being told by team co-captain Bob Lynn to stay home for Week 9 to “rest his ailing foot”.  The Hitman is currently the top ranked Ferrese in the league and a 2016 league champion.   The winner moves on to face The Ice Man.  The Ice Man melted down in the 2012 final in the most shocking collapse in tournament history.

Our final first round match pits the Cooler against Craig (the 3rd ranked Ferrese brother and 4th ranked Ferrese overall in the league currently).  Despite carrying Frank to 6 league titles, Craig has inexplicably never hoisted the trophy in the Pearl Harbor tournament.  Captain Cooler has all of a sudden been pushing all the right buttons in league play, the weekly conference calls with co-captain Bob Lynn apparently starting to pay dividends after a stunning 3-0 sweep of the defending champs in Week 9.  Many shuffleboard insiders are calling for Captain Cooler to win in a minor upset.  The winner moves on to face the 2nd best Ferrese brother (and 3rd best Ferrese overall), Frank.  Frank has won 6 titles in the Pearl Harbor tournament, being victorious in 2005, 2006, 2007, 2011, 2013 and 2015.  Coincidentally, by the time the semifinals came around, no one else was sober enough to stand up to the table in all of those years resulting in those 6 titles.   Shuffleboard Times Magazine is investigating a rumor that Jessica Ferrese will be joining the league in 2018, knocking Craig and Frank down to the 5th and 4th best Ferrese in the league, respectively.

One thing is for sure, the tournament will provide a year’s worth of fun and drama in one night as always.   The board will be open for practice at 6 PM with tournament play starting at 7 PM sharp.  Good luck to all players.  Get there early, standing room only anticipated for spectators after 6:45.



Talkin’ Turkey With “Johnny Quoits”

By Johnny Quoits, Special Correspondent, “Shuffleboard Times”

Wishing everyone a Happy & Safe Thanksgiving heading into the midseason break.  The 26th Pearl Harbor tournament is coming up next Friday 12/1 at 7 PM.  The Second Major of the year has eluded some of the great players throughout the years.

Only seven people have won the Pearl Harbor tournament.  Tom Ferrese, the original “Village Idiot”, won the first two years and Jeff Hanson won last year.  Do you remember any of these two time or more team champion names who could not win in Bob Skierski’s “Shit Tournament”.   Here we go – Pete Gemmell, Gary Knottner, Mike DeCastro, Augie Longo, Bill Turner, Old Man Fesi, Shit Shot Joe Fesi, Puppy Love Barber, Leo Laskowski, Andy West, Bill Windows Kirk, Tony McDermott, Don Gorecki, Pat Wells, Craig Ferrese and Peaches Larro all came up short.

Speaking of short people.  This is the 80th Anniversary of Walt Disney’s Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.  In the original Disney script there were sixteen Dwarfs. Walt and the writers loved it but Mrs. Disney said the nine creepy ones had to go. Here is the list of Dwarf names and a scene that got cut.


Humpy Leg, Future Politicians and Sleazy

Kiddie Porn, Scary and Bitchy

Son of Sleazy, Groper and Jello Shots


Phone calls were made to Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs to comment on the Dwarfs who fell on hard times. Only “Dopey” replied and said that Puppy Love got these guys hooked on Viagra when they were young.  On a positive note he said that he changed his name to Alfred of Haddonfield when everyone else became very stupid.

Remember to support Thai Basil the proud sponsor of shuffleboard. Try the New Thai Wings & Buffalo Shrimp for the Holidays.

Good luck in the Pearl Harbor tournament (Craig) and Happy Holidays.

Week 8 POTW


Breaking News – The Reigning Champs of Jeff & Rob and the Ferrese Brothers each won three straight games again in last week’s play. The players of the week still remain tied in first place. The two hot teams will be battling it out for the first place playoff bye as they are running away from the rest of the league.


Speaking of the rest of the league, they resemble some of the original sixteen Dwarfs in the Disney movie of Snow White that were cut out of the film.  Led by team captain “Stinky” who lost control of his tribe is still looking for a winning combination. More on the missing Dwarfs in Holiday news letter.

The top match this Thanksgiving Friday is the second game featuring the “Hanson family” against the “Manson family”. The “Virgin Brothers” return in the late match against the “Old Guys” of Fesi & Goff.

Remember to support Thai Basil the proud sponsor of shuffleboard. Try the New Thai Wings & Buffalo Shrimp for the Holidays.

Week 7 POTW


Breaking News – The Reigning Champs of The Commish and Rob “The Hitman” Ferrese take down the first place Ferrese Brothers in three straight games. With the sweep over the Bama Boys of Roy Moore and Jeff Sessions we now have a first place tie between the two hot teams. The rest of the league is in a five way battle for third place.

This was the first meeting of 2017 season between the two teams that played for the championship in each of the last 2 seasons with The Hitman now becoming the best player in the family.

The featured matches this Friday are the early game pitting the first place reigning champs against three time league champs Fesi-Goff and the late game featuring the other first place team Ferrese Brothers against George and Don.  Don’t be surprised if both young first place teams lose some games to the veteran teams.

Speaking of young, where is Pats partner Erin the “Virgin”.  The last time a virgin has been missing this long was over 2000 years ago when Joseph could not find Mary.

Remember to support Thai Basil the proud sponsor of shuffleboard. Try the New Thai Wings & Buffalo Shrimp.

Week 5 & Week 6 POTW


The Ferrese Brothers were the USA Today Week Five winners.  The Ferrese Brothers & Subs have been dominating every week winning thirteen of their first fifteen games.

2017 W5 POTW - Ferrese Bros

The Week Six USA Today Players of the Week are Joe “Puppy Love” Barber and Joe “Shit Shot” Fesi.  The Two Joes led their respective teams to victory over the second and third place teams after getting shut out the previous week.   Barber dominated last year’s champs Jeff & Rob (The Hitman) and Shit Shot Fesi broke the back of George and Don sending them out of the top three.

The featured match next week is the early game between the current top two teams in the standings – 2016 Champs Jeff & Rob against 2015 Champs The Ferrese Brothers.  With five teams trying to improve in the standings trade talks are rampant between the “Wrench” and “Cooler” before the Pearl Harbor trade deadline.  Don, Glenn, Leo, Goff and Pat have been instructed “do not drive home over the Chappaquiddick Bridge”.

Remember to support Thai Basil the proud sponsor of shuffleboard. Try the New Thai Wings & Buffalo Shrimp.


Week 4 POTW

The Ferrese Brothers are the USA Today Week Four players of the week winners.  It only took the boys four weeks and three subs to take over first place.  Frank Ferrese teamed up with sub Don Ferrese and swept past Puppy Love and Pusscakes taking all three games.  The old Dogs are struggling this year with a “Ruff” early schedule but may catch a break this Friday playing the new team of Pat (The Whore) and Erin (The Virgin).

Week Four Winners: Frank & Don

Losers: Pusscakes & Puppy Love

The featured match next week is the late game between the Ferrese Brothers against their arch rival of Fesi -Goff.   Rumors have it that heavy money is going on Fesi- Goff to win two of three if both brothers show up without a sub.

Remember to support Thai Basil the proud sponsor of shuffleboard.

Week 2 & Week 3 POTW


“The Good, The Bad and The Ugly”

The play of the last two weeks was dominated by Glenn “The Rooster” Hanson and Don “Chicken Man” Gorecki, our Week 2 and Week 3 “Player of the Week” winners, respectively.  The Good was the Chicken Man and the Rooster being undefeated as subs.  The Bad and The Ugly was watching their own team’s matches.  Team Captain Cooler Koehler has the Rooster going home with a different driver each week for his own protection from his teammates and the Wrench will see why his partner couldn’t go with his left while he was missing the last two weeks.

The featured match next week is the early game between defending champs The Commish & The Hitman and their arch rival The Wrench & The Chicken Man.  A loss by the champs could well put the Ferrese Brothers, who have been playing well, back into first place.   Remember to support Thai Basil, the proud sponsor of HHSBL.